Thursday, June 30, 2011

Facebook Conversations With Fans Volume 2

People get mad at me on Facebook really quickly. Here is a recent
conversation where it took very little time before it got sweary.


where do u preform at

all over

how long u been doin it for
do u preform in ny city'

15 years and yes

what have u learned in 15years

I have learned what type of questions to avoid trying to answer.

ur an asshole

I know.

u must be an asshole on stage to

Yeah. Why hide who i am?

sometimes people luv assholes

Agreed. It can go either way depending on who you are.

do nice guys finish last?

In bed? No.


Monday, June 20, 2011

How to See Strippers for Free OR The Just For Laughs Chicago Wrap Up

The last night of JFL Chicago I performed in The Best of The Fest show
with acts like Deon Cole and Nick Vatterott. There were many others,
but none that I am just DYING to type out right now. One of the
organizers gave me a fist pound at the end of my set, which I am
assuming is a good thing.

The show was in great club called the Red Bar I believe. It had two
floors and a green room filled with snacks. The show started at
midnight and went on for two to three hours. At about twelve thirty
it became apparent that the venue had double booked the space.
Really? TBS pays for a space and then the manager double books it
with a.. wait for it... Birthday party? Wow.

The second floor WAS being used as a green room and a holding area,
but when I went up there after my set, the place was filled with
Tools watching Asian strippers do their thing using the seating areas
and coffee tables our food were on as their stage! Yuck! I scampered
downstairs and immediately began sending other people upstairs to
check out the "show."

One of the most memorable parts of the fest for me?

Microsoft had a computer set up with a touch screen that you could
draw pictures on. I decided to do fan art of some o f the comics in
attendance. One piece that I did of Neal Brennan, co creator of the
Chappelle Show, stayed up for long enough that people started adding
digital "stickers" and their own touches to it. I found this
adorable especially since most there were so many hard edged comics
about. I was surprised nobody put a penis in his mouth or something.

Below you can see the pic I used for inspiration. The original
drawing I did with my finger and then the final piece of "Group Art."

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Just For Laughs Chicago Day 2

We screened at the Gene Siskel Theater in the middle of downtown Chicago. There were fans there who said they had been waiting to see the movie for weeks and were excited to get their eyes on it.

Now, having seen the movie screened in front of several different audiences, there was no more nervousness about how the movie would be received. They really enjoyed it.

The major hurdle now is to get the type of distribution that we want for the film. My last feature was released for broadcast on Comedy Central. Here we are at my next movie and I want something better. I really want it to have at least a small theatrical run and then move on to DVD and broadcast. I am not asking so much am I?

Ended the night by floating down to a popular Chicago show called Comics You Should Know. What a great show ir was and packed out as much as they could get it. They were nice enough to put me up on stage and I wasted no time in telling the absolute raunchiest joke I have ever written. Thanks guys!

The strangest conversation of the night...

GIRL: I usually get what I want because I'm pretty.
ME: I hope you want me to leave this conversation, cause that's what you are getting.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Just For Laughs Chicago Day 1

My plane was delayed because one of our flight attendants showed up late. This caused the entire flight to arrive about an hour late. While many people on the flight missed their connecting flights to Europe, for me it meant that I had to get from Ohare to my hotel and then to my first show of the fest in an hour and 45 minutes.

Don't worry everyone, I made it. Relax and let the tension flow out of your body.

The Beat Kitchen is a rock club that also has the amazing Chicago Underground Comedy show, which was started years ago by Tony Sam and Brooke Van Poppelen. It's currently under the loving care of Dan Telfer and Elizabeth McQuern. (I think I am getting these facts right, but I don't really care to research. You do that, I'm in a hotel and I have to pee.)

Every single comic on the show had a great set, including me. It was one of those shows that just started off right and everyone rode the giggly wave of insanity to the shores of ... you get it.

Quick reviews of everyone I saw.

Tony Sam, My favorite Robot impression of the night. super Funny.
Candy Lawrence, Adored her. Wacky as hell, may need to be commited.
James Fritz, Genius with a beard. I usually shut down on someone who has anything political to say, but his funny beats my laziness.
Beth Shelling, Her writing makes me envy her. So glad I have a bigger penis or it would be unbearable.
Nick Vatterot, So freaking hilarious and the second best robot impression of the night.

But holy god. Sean Flannery did an excerpt from his one man show and had the entire room holding their sides begging for mercy. Someone please take his show and turn it into a movie. He is so freaking funny and the stories he tells about hiss near death experiences punctuated by photos and cartoons made me want to seek out his whole show as soon as I can. He earns the coveted COMIC WHO MADE ME FORGET I HAD A DRINK IN MY HAND award.

Tonight at 8pm my movie Tell Your Friends! The Concert Film screens at The Gene Siskel Theater in Chicago as part of the festival. You should come to it if you can.

Also, i will be performing in The Best of the Fest on Friday night so if you are around, come give me some taffy.

Monday, June 06, 2011

Guess the Details of This Guy's Life

When a fan writes me, I try to answer as many of their emails as I can. Even the ones that becoe taxing. I can't tell who is wasting whose time, but I challenge you to guess the details of this person's life.

What follows is an email exchange:

FAN to Victor

hi there victor whats keeping you busy?

victor to FAN


FAN to victor

ha your funny are you still awake?

FAN to victor

victor are you an actor too?

victor to FAN

I am currently asleep.

FAN to victor

victor do you hate heavy metal music?

victor to FAN

Not always.

FAN to victor

is this really you online victor?

victor to FAN

I am a robot programmed to say "Yes." In the event that question is asked.

FAN to victor

so im talking to a robot?

FAN to victor

whats victors main email robot?

victor to FAN

Beep boop.

FAN to victor


FAN to victor

robot victor read this 36474875466467885578747 can you read that?

FAN to victor

whats victor main email then?

FAN to victor

once again i said whats does this say 45667788989900932456789871 decode it

FAN to victor

hi victor what made you come into acting?

victor to FAN

show details Jun 5 (1 day ago)

FAN to victor

i hate you stupid robot!!!!6

victor to FAN

Fair enough.

FAN to victor

tell me victors main email!!!!!!

victor to FAN

What do you want?

FAN to victor

i want you to tell me whats victors main email is please?!!!!!!!

victor to FAN

you already have it.

FAN to victor

your a robot are you really victor seriously?????!!!!!!!!!!!!

victor to FAN

what difference does it make?

Also, who can afford a robot?

FAN to victor

ok am i talking to a robot or a real person here???

Friday, June 03, 2011

Thw Wounded Soldier

Performing for a crowd that responds in a wildly different manner than what I am used to is a humbling experience. Last night I was at the Broadway comedy club at a show that benefitted wounded veterans. The house was packed with an audience that I later found out had a ton of English as a second language peeps as well as austrailians. Not really the point. The point is that jokes that had the crowd rolling at the improv in Pittsburgh last week seemed to have the audience nonplussed last night.

I finished and started fine but there was a point in the middle where I wanted to shoot everyone in the audience and then myself. Then I would have been the wounded soldier.

On a lighter note, I am off to see the new York premiere of my movie.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Thursday, June 02, 2011

We Should Be Able to kill People

I mean , no, not all the time, but like in special circumstances.

Look at the other side. Our government says that if you are trying to adopt a child, then you better live a certain lifestyle and make a certain amount of money. (Bear with me.) BUT, if you are a meth addict living in a trailer park that rarely changes his / her clothes but you can get someone with a working productive system to sleep with you then you can have babies a plenty.

My point is even though generally, the government says certain types of people shouldn't have kids, under some circumstances they totally can.

So why can't we kill people? Under some circumstances. Oh wait; war. When we are at war, you get to kill people. Yeah, people with guns. Yes, and people without guns (collaterall damage) and your friends (friendly fire) and when you do that, you don't even go to jail usually. What a sweet deal!

What I am trying to say is this. Is there a way to declare war on the loud kids outside my window this morning?

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

How to scare your baby.

There is a bakery next to my house that makes specialized cakes. I like the idea of a little boy baby showing off his butt to a little girl but somehow the execution is a little more frightening than I would have liked.

I mean, in a perfect world my babies in cakes would look as realistic as possible.