Sunday, December 28, 2003

Superman: I understand you want to join the Justice League?

Black Superhero: Yeah, I can shoot lightning out of my hands so I thought it would be cool if my name was Lightning-Man.

S: Lightning man?

BS: Yeham you know, you're Superman, and Batman takes after a Bat so he's batman. Aquaman works with water... I should be Lightning-Man, i shoot lightning.


S: How about Black lightning?

BS: What?

S: You can have a choice, you can be black lightning or Niggatron.

BS: Motha F*cker what!

Thursday, December 04, 2003

Tonight I was at the gas station when an old mexican man came bay and tried to sell me his tools in exchange for gas money. My heart went out to him as I looked through his bucket of tools. I didn't know what to buy; and then i spied the duct tape. Everyone needs duct tape. Seriously, right?


Monday, December 01, 2003

So last night I get rear ended at a stop sign cause apparent;ly this guy wants me to turn faster or he just has no patience. I pull over and he runs for the hills in his car. Hit and run.

On the way home my car stalls and stops. I think to myself, WHAT! How can this be since I have everything in order. The only thing I can thik ot is that the oil light was flashing earilier but I thought it took longer for that type of thing to happen. There is a gas station nearby so I walk and buy some oil.

Get back to the car and the oil fixes the light problem and then the car stalls again. I'm out of gas.

Please keep in mind that I have only been driving for a few months now nd I never knew what went into cars at all. Now I'm getting it.

I walk backand put some gas in the old gas can and make sure to spill a bit of it on the ground cause I love being clumsy.

The car starts and runs fine.

Saturday, November 29, 2003

I am going to bed late tonight. No one to tuck me in...

Friday, November 28, 2003

I saw BAD SANTA tonight. I think that every holiday should have a movie like this. I wish the best for old Billy Bob Thorton and Lauren Graham. I have a new respect for *** *** because of how it was portrayed in this film. I can't wait to see it again.

My Premium blend airs tonight. I hope it rocks. My family has already called me and said many nice things.

Thursday, November 27, 2003

This is stupid.

My whole family is getting together for thanksgiving and I can't hang with them. It can be infuriating to be I movies and on TV or whatever and still not be able to afford to fly home when you want to. I will be spending the holidays with some friends and my thoughts.

My thoughts are no fun.

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

Wow, has it been a crazy week or wht?

Looks like I will be doing the Jimmy Kimmel show as a direct result of doing Premium Blend on comedy central... Go figure..

I'll give you more when I know more.

Friday, August 15, 2003


i am huge fan of blodd, gore, teenagers with bad attitudes and supernatural monsters.

Thi smovie rocked and gave me all the Freddy and Jason fighting that I wanted to see plus more.

Robert Englund must be laughing all the way to the bank. And say, let's hear it for gratuitous nudity!

My mom reads this page.

Tuesday, August 12, 2003


I arrived at the rehearsal in the wrong location. I was supposed to be in the green room, but for some reason I got instructions to go to the production office. I guess it all workes out in the end but I arrived a little later than I was supposed to . No big deal I guess.

We sis a run through with DL Highley, I;m sure that's not how you spekk his name, that seemed to go off without hitch. He screwed up may name in rehearsal which proved to make me a little more nervous than I should have been . Honestly, the one thing thatr kept me sane was my friend rylee, who was freaking out three or four times more than me. Rylee was in the same comedy competition that I was in when we appeared in LA a year ago. She won, but we both got premium blend so who cares! SWEET!

My nervousness paled in comparison to Ry;ee. Concentrating on making her feel better really made me feel better.

We had to walk out and say our first joke, look through the bullet points that some intern had made after watching tapes of our sets, and finally say the l;ast line of dialogue so the band would know their cue. Luckily, the whole thing wemt off without a hitch.

After the run through, Rylee and I went out to dinner with Allison, a kick ass Comedy Central employee with pearly black fingernails. We went to a restaurant where everything was twice the price that it should be. Rylee and I were not in the mood to pay huge prices for little meals, so it was lucky that Allison stepped in and made it all right. She paid. Bonnie, a very funny comic from LA, showed up and joined us. She had a cute hat that I thought made her look like Britany spears. There was a hsort debate as to whether or not she should wear the hat on the show, she was doing Premium Blend as well, but ultimately she went without it. My opinion had nothing to do with her choice.

Later on we go to the taping...

Before our taping began, there was another show happening for Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn. It was pretty amazing to see some of these comics in action, One of my personal favorites is Jim Norton, he's funny and mean.

By the time I came downstairs, the stage manager was looking for me since she thought that I was not around. I turned out to be around and all went well with her. I got my make-up and my wardrobe all together, then it was time to do the show.

Another stage hand moved us all backstage and let us get situated while the warm up comic warmed upo the audience. The warm up comic iat one point tries to get people on the stage to do old school dancing. My ex girlfriend pops up on stage and starts turning it out. Every time I tell someone backstage that it's my ex on stage, I am then forced to explain that she is a clown..

The order was Chris, a bald comic, Rylee, a nervous comic, Me, and Darrell, a friendly comic with a lot of backstage ine liners.

Chris goes on and does great, he si follwed in a wonderful set by Rylee, who also knocks one out of the park. The next guy up is me.. I have to be honest. It was a great set. I had such a blast and then I was pat on the back by many of my friends. One of my friends was down in the green room with the CC staff and she tole me that people wer stomping there feet and clapping their hands. I really hope that was true.

Afterwards, I ran around the city with my friends and had a great time just eating and feeling like I knew what I was doing for once.

The biggest news... Someone from the show called the Jiommy Kimmel show and they have since asked me to do a spot on their show! In the next ive or so weeks, I will be on so wish me luck.

Wednesday, August 06, 2003

It's just a few hours before I go and tape my debut episode of premium blend.

Sure I'm nervous. I have never done a stand-up set on comedy centralbefore and this is kind of a big occasion. Honestly, there has never been a huge presenceof people withalbinism on television. I hope I can nip that in the butt right now...

In other news,at a party last night I got to seeagreat number of friends and that makes me happy.

My mother accidentally called me and wished me luck this morining.

Friday, August 01, 2003

This is going to sound totally stupid. but then again, that's just the way things are sometimes.

I hung out with this friend of mne and they ended up putting links to everyone's page but mine on their website. Do I stink or something. Man I oughtta...

Sunday, July 27, 2003

There's this woman I know named Debra who can't take a compliment. she insults herself vigourously even though she is actually attractive. Weird... Oh well I plan to take advantage of her weaknesses.


Friday, July 25, 2003

Last night I saw a five year old co-host a talk show. He was better than most.

Sunday, July 20, 2003

Now that I am driving I realize that there is an unwritten agreement between drivers on the road that not everybody follows.

The agreement goes like this. Hey, we're both driving huge hunks of metal (or fiberglass) on wheels; Let's not do anything crazy. Unfortunately, this is not always the case.

Saturday, July 19, 2003

A song I wrote

Get the hell away from me you know you always break my heart.
You dis me in your poetry and you like to call it art.
We wouldn't Have this problem, if you weren't so fly,
But when I see you I just want to give it another try.

I got everything I need
But you got everything I want
I got secrets that you speak
Even though I beg you don't
So goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
So goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

Don't you write a letter to me unless you want to see me cry
You always get the better of me cause I can barely get by
We wouldn't have this problem, if I didn't hold you close.
But the words you write make me spend the night and you're so damn verbose


Every time you look at me, I have to close my eyes
you like to smile so gingerly, there aint much to despise
We wouldn't have this problem, if I never knew your name
but there's a melody in in control of me and I can't be to blame



Friday, July 18, 2003

oof, it's been a while sense I loggeg on to the old blog. I am in good spirtits and I have not had anaccident. Good for all of us. Looks like things are shaping upt oka here. I got off to a slower start overall than I would have wished for in LA, but at least now things are coming together. A short story...

I was in New York for a show and I med a man with a wooden leg named Geoff. I don't know the name of his other leg. Ha ha ha!!!


Monday, April 28, 2003

Bow down, suckaz!

i got alicense and a car now!


Wednesday, April 02, 2003

I failed my second driving test. Yeah I know I should be embarrassed. I scared the instructor and made wim flinch.

Better luck next time, me.

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

I went backstage to watch a taping of Jimmy Kimmel Live today and Ashton Kutcher was one of the guests. Strangely enough the backstage area was filled with hot girls.

All sizes and colors, but one thing they all had in common, they smiled nice, they were young, and they would look away quickly whenever I tried to make eye contact.

Tuesday, March 25, 2003

Got a sunburn today. It's easy when you're an albino.

Monday, March 24, 2003

Today I am trying to buld my own furniture, like what I say on one of those home makeover shows. I wonder if it will fork? I also wonder what I should make.

Uou'll se, you'll all see.

Friday, March 21, 2003

I'm in driving school.

I have never had a license for one reason or another. anyway, i thought it would be easy to just get a license. It isn't. I find that what most people do all the time is a little weird whe you've never done it. I have a cool instructor. More to come/

Monday, February 10, 2003

Well, I'm in LA now.

I can see the Hollywood hills from my apartment window and I think that is just grand. How did that happen? Anybody know of any cool places to go?


Monday, January 27, 2003

I jwas just in Boston and I had a load of fun hanging out and playing with Improv Boston. They Rock!

So thank you to Sharon the British, Paul the Big, Cliff the concierge, David the Leaves right after the show and does not come out for a drink, and of course Melinda of the Froxen pipes. Thank you all so much for a wonderful time!

And thank you Will as well, I really wish I could have met you.


Thursday, January 23, 2003

Last night at he premiere of the Chapppelle show party. I ran up to Dave Chappelle, I grabbed his chest and I yelled, "I can't believe his head blew up!". I was referring to a sketch I had just seen.

Anyway, the look on his face seemed to say, "Don't touch me that's scary."


Dave chappelle once called me on the first days of shooting for that Eddie Murphy movie, Pluto Nash and wished me luck at athe request of my manager at the time. Avery cool thing to do for both of them.

IIn return, I scared him. That's life right? A circle of love.

Monday, January 20, 2003

I like to karaoke
And really don't we all
Whether or not you admit it
You're always having a ball

When you sing that song you know
your heart, it sings as well
Oh microphone that I adore
life's a ball and you're the bell

Though my poetry is hard to bear
And some might say it sucks
The wors they say what my heart cannot


Sunday, January 19, 2003

Ypou can't always get what you want, unless what you want is disappointment.

Whew! Where's that come from?

Wednesday, January 15, 2003

My downstairs neighbors have a baby. They have had it for two weeks and have not named it yet. My vote is for Gillian. That's an awesome name, right?



Tuesday, January 14, 2003

I think a lot of people think that I am dead, or at least way oout of it.

Guess what I'm wearing right now? You'll never guess, i know you won't.