Thursday, August 12, 2010

How to be alone.

I don't know how to use dating sites well at all. I read a suggested profile and saw that the woman was allergic to cats. I couldn't help myself. Here's what I wrote to her.

I have a cat.

Please come over anyway so that I can see your eyes swell up and get red. Now I know this doesn't sound like a good time from your point of view, but lets try and think about how entertaining this could be for me.

Please think about it. Thank you

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The MET show or Who arted?

I performed at a show at the Metropolitan Museum of Art! I think it was one of my favorite shows ever to perform on. My buddy Marianne Ways asked me to be on the show. Carl Arnheiter is also deeply staked in the show and is its host.

The show is a tour where different comedians lead segments of the tour. Tours were lead this time by Andrea Rosen, Liam MacEneaney, Leo Allen and me. Every performer did their oen take on the tour.


Picasso was in his early twenties when he was doing lots of work in Madrid and Paris. At that time many of his works were named quite simply. What people don't know is that his paintings had simple names because his agent actually rejected most of his names because the names he came up with the paintings as an excitable twenty year old were considered kind of dumb. People have gone as far as to say that he named some of his original work, like a douchebag.


This painting was commissioned as a poster for a live show. Picasso's original name for this work was WOULDN'T IT BE COOL IF A BUNCH OF DANCERS IN WHITE PETTICOATS GOT THEIR


Picasso's original title for his iconic Woman in Green was simply, MAN, I HATE TO DRAW ARMS.


Indeed, this piece by Picasso does depict quite an "erotic scene" which was probably a reflection of the bawdy lifestyle he enjoyed in Paris, but his original title tells the story more plainly. Although some thought it was an artistic choice to paint the woman blue in truth it was an accurate depiction of color in Picasso's piece DUDE, I DON'T THINK SHE'S BREATHING.

And so on...

Apparently, a woman who had joined the tour without knowing that it was fake was heard saying that she didn't like my interpretation.