Tuesday, January 31, 2006

This is Sally

I feel like a douche for hiring a part time assistant but it had to be done.

Sally got caught up in the craziness of it all.

Monday, January 30, 2006

After School Special

I did a show called the after school special at pete's candy store in Williamsburg.  FUN!
My friend Baron was there...
My friend Liz was there....
My friend Sally was there...
My new friend Jen was there...
My friend Eric was there...
And so was Sean.
Just kidding Sean is my friend too.
Happy Happy!

Worst dialogue ever

Some of you know that I am working as the head writer and voice director for a new comedy video game.  In that vein, here is a link to some of the worst recorded videogame dialogue of all time... 
I have nothing to do with it.

Saturday, January 28, 2006


I had to come in on saturday and do voice over work.


Friday, January 27, 2006

Grandma's candy Box

Tonight I did a show that was run by my ex girlfriend and one of her best friends.  Although it had all the makings for a disaster it turned out to be a pretty fun show.
One of the other comics didn;t show up and on top of that many of the comics that were there had sets that were iffy at best.
On my way onto the stage the DJ started playing another one bites the dust.  I  asked him if that meant he had an opinion on how the show was going so far.
A newer joke that I had went over extremely well.  I have to start putting more of my sets online.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006


Today I read some of my writing in front of an audience for the first time. I know that I perform a lot but really, I have never sat down and just read my work in front of people.


Monday, January 23, 2006

I am so tired I could sleep on the back of godzilla.


Mobile Email from a Cingular Wireless Customer http://www.cingular.com

Sunday, January 22, 2006

50 questions a friend sent me...

1. What time did you get up this morning? 10 am
2. Diamonds or Pearls? Pearls, but not the kind you find in oysters, I refer to the kind that land on a lady's neck.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Fun with Dick and Jane, or a as I like to call it, I am a Dick for paying for
4. What is your favorite TV show? 24, are you serious? There are no other shows.
5. What did you have for breakfast? Nothing... I need to get married
6. What's your middle name? Curtis, Incidentally my Father's name is Curtis, my older brother's middle name is Curtis and I have a
younger brother named Curtis.
7. What is your favorite cuisine? I like potatoes.
8. What foods do you dislike? things with strange textures.
9. Your favorite Potato chip? Kettle Blue Chips
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? ??? Saturday Morning, it's a compilation of Saturday morning cartoon themes covered by
different bands.
11. What kind of car do you drive? None. The last car I drove was a sweet rental.
12. Favorite sandwich? PB and J
13. What characteristics do you despise? Cheaters.
14. What are your favorite clothes? I go back and forth, it has been only recently that I enjoyed dressing up.
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you
go? Mexico, I know its no big deal, it's just that I have never been.
6. What color is your bathroom? White with blue accents
17. Favorite brand of clothing? I am partial to Banana Republic because I lack imagination.
18. Where would you want to retire to? Montana. what? It's nice.
19. Favorite time of day? afternoon
20. Where were you born? New York City right now, but itching to get back to LA
21. Favorite sport to watch? Sports?
22. Who do you least expect to send this back? I don't care, I don't plan on sending it out to anyone but Corey Burrington and my
23. Who will be the first to respond? I doubt anyone will, but we'll see.
25. Are you a morning person or night owl? Night owl
26. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone? I am sweating.
27. What did you want to be when you were little? Computer Programmer
28. What is your best childhood memory? Wearing my Grandpa's hat.
29 . What are the different jobs you have had in your life? Computer Programmer, actor and writer are the big ones.
30. Nicknames: Asshole. It's not really a nickname, just something people call me.
31. Number and location of piercing's? None anymore.
32. Eye Color? Hazel
33. Ever been to Africa? No
34. Ever been toilet papering? No, do I live in an eighties movie?
35. Been in a car accident? Yes
36. Favorite day of the week? Your mom.
37. Favorite restaurant? Mo Pitkins right now.
38. Favorite flower? lily.
39. Favorite ice cream? coffee.
40. Favorite fast food restaurant? Never! (Taco Bell Shhhhhhhh.)
41. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Toys R Us
42. Bedtime: Late
43. Who are you most curious about their responses to this
questionnaire? Ugh, who wrote this!
44. Last person you went to dinner with? Itamar Moses
45. What are you listening to right now? The hum of the computer fan
46. What is your favorite color? Blue? I don't know.
47. How many tattoos do you have? none
48. Who was the last e-mail you got before this one? A message from a former student that she wanted to come to my show.
49. How many people are you sending this Email to? I told you that already stupid questionnaire! Don't you listen?!
50. What time did you finish this e-mail? 1:30 am

Saturday, January 21, 2006

This is Itamar

I haven't seen Itamar in a long time. We hung out today and I boughtt his book at the bookstore. I considered embarassing him by telling the cashier that it was his book that I was buting but instead I took him to get a hairfut.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Oh my freaking goodness!

I know I complain about being in cabs a lot but right now I am in a cab witha driver that smells exactly like dooky.

The thing about that is, if you smell like dooky you know that you smell like dooky. You never say 'wow now that you mention it I DO smell like dooky.'

when I got in the cab we locked eyes and a silent conversation took plce.

'is that you?'

'unfortunately yes.'

I rolled down the window and even though it was cold, he didn't question me.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Tonight was a weird one, but very good

Tonight I went to a readingseries that was all about erotica. I thought that it would be a bust at first but it proved to be a reallygood show.

The most interesting part of the show for me was the fact that during one of the most arousing portions of the show, I was sitting next to the mother of one of my friends. I dont know a lot about erotica, but I do know that you cant enjoy it when you are sitteng nxt to your friends mother.
Afterwards a woman challenged me to a dance off, but as you know, I cant be beaten.

I cant be beaten...

Saturday, January 14, 2006

This is Nathan

Nathan is desperately trying to score with a girl next to me but his velvet purple jacket is really impeding him.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Poker Night

I am so glad that I am doing well financially because I just lost sixty dollars in a poker game.

Most of the other players that took my moneywere gay. The only thing that that means is that they were really good at making fun of me while I lost.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Keith and the Girl

I was just in their show. Check them out on keithandthegirl.com

they are in love.

Monday, January 09, 2006

This is Bob

He is a unique experience.

Weekend Nutshell

I did two performances on Friday, the first was at the Rob and Mark show.  One of the other comedians was Christian Finnegan, who does a lot of tuff on Best Week Ever.  He's a funny guy but if came down to a fight, I would BEAT - HIS - ASS!  I did a joke about the movie Snake on a Plane and I think I have unwittingly added to the movies popularity.
Later that night I did a show at the Upright Citizen's Brigade Theater and ended up performing with MC Chris.  You know they guy who does the theme for the Aqua Teen Hunger Force?  My mother is probably scratching her head right now reading this.  Well mom, I know you know how to use google, you used to work for the government.
I went to see Grandma's Boy and then to do a show at The Pit.  Um...  Grandma's Boy alterbated between being funny and not so funny although my absolute favorite scene I won't describe here so that you can be surprised yourself.  Does that make sense?
I went dancing with FRIENDS at bar none after the show.  I like to dance a lot.
I hosted the first Sundays film festival with Jay Stern and had a great time.  We dress alike when we host the show and it rocks.  Later we had an after party and I danced even though there was no music.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006


I went out to do a few jokes tonight and two, count em, two people were filiming my set tonight.

I talked to both of them and one of them was nice and one of them was an ass. I was nice to the nice one and an ass to the ass one.

Lookit, I'm an instrument of instant karma.

This is not interesting.

Nothing Too Special

I had to direct a voice over session today with a lady that is one of the new voices on the Barney show.  You know, Barney; the big purple dinosaur.
The session was uneventful, but there was a lot of side talking where I said lewd things in a Barney voice.  Stuff like:
"Hey kids... let's all gather round so Barney can take a big purple dump on you!"
We laughed because we had no souls.*
*Just kidding mom, I have a soul.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Nothing Too Special

I had to direct a voice over session today with a lady that is one of the new voices on the Barney show.  You know, Barney; the big purple dinosaur.
The session was uneventful, but there was a lot of side talking where I said lewd things in a Barney voice.  Stuff like:
"Hey kids... let's all gather round so Barney can take a big purple dump on you!"
We laughed because we had no souls.*
*Just kidding mom, I have a soul.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Happy New Year!

I tried to spend my new year playing video games until the ball dropped, but all of the computers did not have the software to make shit happen.
I am more angry that I took a ribbing from people for playing video games for new years and then I never actually did it.   My new year unfolded with me and a couple of friends playing go fish, yes the childhood card game, with strangers at a bar and then counting down.
After the new year began, I had to sit alone in a corner so some weird woman didn't come up and try to kiss in the new year with their crazy foreign chapped lips...
What am I talking about?