Wednesday, November 30, 2005

This is Allison

She needs to update her own blog.

Monday, November 28, 2005


I know how to take a cab like nobodys business.

Monday, November 21, 2005


I love it when the urinal is filled with ice.

Chinese Food Thief

Usually when I am walkinf from the subway atop and I am hungre I will order over my cell phone from the Chinese food place near my house.
Yesterday, I ordered and when I got to th place they told me tht someone had  just picked up my order.  Yup, some jack-o-lope stole my food because it was ready and they thought; why not say that they were the person who ordered it. 
I had to wait for my food to be prepared and they felt so bad that they gave me a free calendar.
Lost my food... gained a calendar.

Monday, November 14, 2005

This is Big Mike

I have two of his books and they are both disturbing.

These are the Fools

They lay great music.

Friday, November 11, 2005


YOu know how I am writing in weird places all over the city? Well the way I am working is that I write a few pages and then I go somewhere, like a movie or a bar and then I go write some more after that... Okay so last night I went to Mars Bar, this skanky punk bar in the east village, and all hell breaks loose at one point.

I was at the bar with a freind of mine, J and my ex girlfriend M. There was this huge french guy, who wa also very drunk trying to hit on M. Now, I may not be seeing M anymore, but I am very protective of anyone I have ever dated and all of my friends for that matter, M insisted that I stay out of it as this guy was trying to paw at her. I did... sorta.

At one point the tiny bartender cuts off the huge French guy from any further drinking. Of course the french guy gets nuts immediately and takes a swing at the tiny bartender. The tiny bsrtender backs away because, as I just said, the French guy is huge. What neithr I or the French guy knew was that the bartender's, NYU professor, wife was there. She was a mild mannered woman who jumps up on a bar stool and clocks the French guy. The French guy backhands her, yes he backhanded her, and send her sailing backwars down the line of barstools past me.

I am against people hitting women unless they are being a real threat to your life. This was a tiny woman trying to protect her tinier husband and the huge French guy batted her away like it was nothing.

I jump in and hit him in the face and grab his head, while the tiny bartender comes around the bar and jumps on the back of Mr. Frenchie. Adam, a drunk guy who is a regular at the bar who had puked earlier and then decided to keep drinking also grabs the Frnch guy. Remember, this Fren guy is pretty fucking big and of the three of us, the extremely drunk Adam,was the biggest.

The French guy raisies the bartender up in the air with one arm. What? Then the French guy elbows Adam who is too drunk to defend himself and he falls out through the door to the bar and land on his back hitting his head. JUST LIKE IN THE MOVIES!

At this point, I decide that pulling punches would be stupid so I punch the French guy in the gut a couple of time and takt the air out of him. Once he was doubled over I kick his legs out from under him and he falls forward out the door of the bar. Once he is down I put my knee on his neck and tell him not to move.

"I geev up." He says. and then he starts mumbling.

I explain to him that he can't go back in the bar and that if he starts anymore trouble that he will get really hurt. He mumbles something that is hard to hear with my knee on his throat. i let it off.

"Whar eez dee underground bar?"

I actually laughed out loud.

The topper. I comeoutside later to make a phone call and the guy is still there staggering around the sidewalk. He doesn't remember who I am at all.

- So I take a picture with him.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

A Knitting Circle

I am writing in a coffee shop and then a knitting circle came and sat down right next to me!

Oh how I long to toss away my laptop and pick up a pair of knitting needles!

My Brainis on Fire

For the past few days straight I have been doing nothing but witing from when I wake p until I go to sleep.  I have some iimportnt work due at the end of the week and I have buried myself in work until that time.  I have to get things just right if i have any say in it at all.
I haveonly come up for air once or twice in the past week and I think what that means is this.  After I am done with this stage of work, I will go out and party like there is no tomorrow for a while.  I will run around ith a torch and only wearing underwear while I scare the natives.
If I get a chance, i will dive off of a tall building with only a parachute and see if I can make it to the other side of the island on one jump.
Someone please stop by and slap my face.

Monday, November 07, 2005

This is Jay.

About three and a half years ago Jay and I started First Sundays comesdy film festival.

I went off to LA but yesterday marked my very silly return to the show as a producer and a co host.

Jay and I erformed a sketch together. We were funny.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

I am an artist.

I call this WHAT IF I ACCIDENTALLY ATE A POISON APLE. just don't get genius.


I am working toward a deadline to deliver a rough draft of the movie I am writing with stan lee. I don't see the light of day right now. I pop on my headphones and just sit in front of a computer screen for about six hours out of the day.

Tonight I will be performing in a showcase for Jimmy Kimmel Live and I will finally see some of my friends faces.

I am also hungry right now. What should I eat?