Yay phone!

My new pbone has cool preset picture things. So there!

My desk is a mess.

I should really think about cleoning it.

Cat.

I'm gonna eat this cat.

Hot Dog

I was hungry and I started eating the hot dog before I ate it.

Time Iut NY mkes fun of my SWEATER!

HERE!

Brekfast Quesadilla!

Mmm. I like sals in my food and my women!

Radio!

We are promoting the shows on pittsburg radio with super DJ Alan Cox.

This mic is as big as my head.

This mike

This is real. Mike is the rock paper scissors champpion of pittsburgh and is on his way to the Luxor in Vegas for the national championships! Wow!

Late dinner

Meatloaf and a salad with italian dressing. I don't know why I couldn't wait to take a picture before I devoured my food.... I just couldn't.

Breakfast Time!

Egg cheese and bacon on wheat bread. Water orange juice and cream soda. Good first show last night and plenty of time to rethink yesterdays eating choices.

Lunchtime?

On the road to Pittsburgh to entertain the kids!! I don't know what is more nutricious., beef jerky, candy necklaces, or the resces Fast Break!

This Is...

this is the butter that came with my breakfast.

Is this normal? Do you normally get a slab of butter as big across as your english muffin? I don't know what the use of spreading it would beif it already covers the entire surface of the muffin. For a while I thought about making a butter sandwich but my arteries chokesd me just for thinking about it.

The think they're tough.

What the?

In osh NYC clubs girls dance in fake showers under green lights.

I can't believe someone wants to hire me!

Well, obviously I get hired a lot,but I got an e-mail from a private citizen wanting to hire me for a job.  Here it is:

 

Hi Victor,

 

I think that you are really funny and I would love to throw some cash your way for services!  What do you think?

 

James

 

Well James, I am not quite sure what the services are that you are inquiring about. In order to help you out, I will list a few of the things that I do and then my rates.  Hope this helps.

 

I will perform standup comedy for an hour:

    $5,000

 

I will write you a feature length screenplay:

    $10,000

 

I will write you a feature length screenplay that is actually good:

    $90,000

 

I will watch your puppy:

    FREE

 

I will teach you how to write a more comprehensive e-mail:

    $4

 

I will teach your mother how to bark:

    $4500

 

I will make a feature film on DV with you as the star (this includes writing a crappy script):

    $150,000

 

I will make a feature film on DV with you as the star based on something that is not insulting to you. (this also includes writing a crappy script):

    $150,000

 

I will prance around wearing nothing but a sock (on my nethers):

    FREE (I've actually done this on numerous times for free)

 

I will prance around wearing nothing but a sock (on my foot):

    $15

 

I will prance around wearing nothing but a sock (on my foot and you are not a hot woman who is willing to sleep with me):

    $500

 

I will prance around wearing nothing but a sock (on my foot and you are disgusting in some way, you know, like you have an extra nose on you face or you poop every five minutes, or maybe you smell like old cabbage):

    $66,450

 

I will teach you Karate:

    $40 / hr

 

I will teach you Tae Kwon Do (which I actually know):

    1 ass whooping.

 

I could go on James, but I think what I am really trying to say is your e-mail is a bit open ended and I thing that you might try to rewrite it.

Genius is Relative

Sometimes I think that I am really smart, and then sometimes I can barely figure out the smallest, dumbest things, and then I get mad at the inanimate.  Screw YoU KEyBoarD nln '4 9 we qerkqp 'w . wli 5w oiw w 5hw4 ,'j rhmw4om hmw4 w45mjbrtsmj0 m0s j

________________
www.bestalbino.com