Joe Palooka, Subtle Racist

I was doing some reading about the comic strip Joe Palooka that was published in the 1920's and 30's. It was about a boxer who helped people fight the bad guys. Basically a superman-ish comic where the main character was a boxer instead of a kryptonian. I was amused to read the next passage because it reminded me how racist things were back then.

"Fisher originally changed the appearance of Palooka to fit each reigning real-life champ — until the coming of African-American Joe Louis in the 1930s, at which time the image of the cowlicked blond Palooka remained unchanged. "

Mmmm. Breathe that in...

That Comic Book I Wrote on for Marvel

In November "Shame Itself" will be available to buy! It's a one shot comedy anthology. One of the stories in it is written by me so that means you should rush out and buy it as soon as it hits the shelves. The cover art is fantastic!

SHAME ITSELF
Written by WYATT CENAC, MICHAEL KUPPERMAN, ELLIOTT KALAN,VICTOR VARNADO & MORE
Penciled by COLLEEN COOVER, DEAN HASPIEL, CLAYTON HENRY & MORE
Cover by SKOTTIE YOUNG
GET READY FOR THE MOST EARTH SHATTERING, WORLD DESTROYING, INSURANCE-RATE HIKING, EVENT IN MARVEL HISTORY SINCE THE LAST ONE! Wyatt Cenac and Elliott Kalan of “The Daily Show” lead a cavalcade of comedy’s finest minds to answer the questions about the Marvel Universe you were ashamed to ask! This Fall, the Marvel U will be rocked down to its spandex wearing core! Be ashamed. Be VERY ashamed!
40 PGS./One-Shot/Rated T+ …$3.99

Pac-Man's Inferno

I got one of those video game controllers with thousands of built in knock off games from a Chinese and shady toy store. The Pac-Man game in the controller never stops the level, even when you eat all of the food pellets.

My day to day life is the same way.

Facebook Conversations With Fans Volume 2

People get mad at me on Facebook really quickly. Here is a recent
conversation where it took very little time before it got sweary.

________________________________________

FAN:
where do u preform at

ME:
all over

'FAN:
how long u been doin it for
do u preform in ny city'

ME:
15 years and yes

FAN:
what have u learned in 15years

ME:
I have learned what type of questions to avoid trying to answer.

FAN:
ur an asshole

ME:
I know.

FAN:
u must be an asshole on stage to

ME:
Yeah. Why hide who i am?

FAN:
sometimes people luv assholes

ME:
Agreed. It can go either way depending on who you are.

FAN:
do nice guys finish last?

ME:
In bed? No.

FAN:
o

How to See Strippers for Free OR The Just For Laughs Chicago Wrap Up

The last night of JFL Chicago I performed in The Best of The Fest show
with acts like Deon Cole and Nick Vatterott. There were many others,
but none that I am just DYING to type out right now. One of the
organizers gave me a fist pound at the end of my set, which I am
assuming is a good thing.

The show was in great club called the Red Bar I believe. It had two
floors and a green room filled with snacks. The show started at
midnight and went on for two to three hours. At about twelve thirty
it became apparent that the venue had double booked the space.
Really? TBS pays for a space and then the manager double books it
with a.. wait for it... Birthday party? Wow.

The second floor WAS being used as a green room and a holding area,
but when I went up there after my set, the place was filled with
Tools watching Asian strippers do their thing using the seating areas
and coffee tables our food were on as their stage! Yuck! I scampered
downstairs and immediately began sending other people upstairs to
check out the "show."

One of the most memorable parts of the fest for me?

Microsoft had a computer set up with a touch screen that you could
draw pictures on. I decided to do fan art of some o f the comics in
attendance. One piece that I did of Neal Brennan, co creator of the
Chappelle Show, stayed up for long enough that people started adding
digital "stickers" and their own touches to it. I found this
adorable especially since most there were so many hard edged comics
about. I was surprised nobody put a penis in his mouth or something.

Below you can see the pic I used for inspiration. The original
drawing I did with my finger and then the final piece of "Group Art."

Just For Laughs Chicago Day 2

We screened at the Gene Siskel Theater in the middle of downtown Chicago. There were fans there who said they had been waiting to see the movie for weeks and were excited to get their eyes on it.

Now, having seen the movie screened in front of several different audiences, there was no more nervousness about how the movie would be received. They really enjoyed it.

The major hurdle now is to get the type of distribution that we want for the film. My last feature was released for broadcast on Comedy Central. Here we are at my next movie and I want something better. I really want it to have at least a small theatrical run and then move on to DVD and broadcast. I am not asking so much am I?

Ended the night by floating down to a popular Chicago show called Comics You Should Know. What a great show ir was and packed out as much as they could get it. They were nice enough to put me up on stage and I wasted no time in telling the absolute raunchiest joke I have ever written. Thanks guys!

The strangest conversation of the night...

GIRL: I usually get what I want because I'm pretty.

ME: I hope you want me to leave this conversation, cause that's what you are getting.

Just For Laughs Chicago Day 1

My plane was delayed because one of our flight attendants showed up late. This caused the entire flight to arrive about an hour late. While many people on the flight missed their connecting flights to Europe, for me it meant that I had to get from Ohare to my hotel and then to my first show of the fest in an hour and 45 minutes.

Don't worry everyone, I made it. Relax and let the tension flow out of your body.

The Beat Kitchen is a rock club that also has the amazing Chicago Underground Comedy show, which was started years ago by Tony Sam and Brooke Van Poppelen. It's currently under the loving care of Dan Telfer and Elizabeth McQuern. (I think I am getting these facts right, but I don't really care to research. You do that, I'm in a hotel and I have to pee.)

Every single comic on the show had a great set, including me. It was one of those shows that just started off right and everyone rode the giggly wave of insanity to the shores of ... you get it.

Quick reviews of everyone I saw.

Tony Sam, My favorite Robot impression of the night. super Funny.

Candy Lawrence, Adored her. Wacky as hell, may need to be commited.

James Fritz, Genius with a beard. I usually shut down on someone who has anything political to say, but his funny beats my laziness.

Beth Shelling, Her writing makes me envy her. So glad I have a bigger penis or it would be unbearable.

Nick Vatterot, So freaking hilarious and the second best robot impression of the night.

But holy god. Sean Flannery did an excerpt from his one man show and had the entire room holding their sides begging for mercy. Someone please take his show and turn it into a movie. He is so freaking funny and the stories he tells about hiss near death experiences punctuated by photos and cartoons made me want to seek out his whole show as soon as I can. He earns the coveted COMIC WHO MADE ME FORGET I HAD A DRINK IN MY HAND award.

Tonight at 8pm my movie Tell Your Friends! The Concert Film screens at The Gene Siskel Theater in Chicago as part of the festival. You should come to it if you can.

Also, i will be performing in The Best of the Fest on Friday night so if you are around, come give me some taffy.

Guess the Details of This Guy's Life

When a fan writes me, I try to answer as many of their emails as I can. Even the ones that becoe taxing. I can't tell who is wasting whose time, but I challenge you to guess the details of this person's life.

What follows is an email exchange:

FAN to Victor

hi there victor whats keeping you busy?

victor to FAN

Pooping.

FAN to victor

ha your funny are you still awake?

FAN to victor

victor are you an actor too?

victor to FAN

I am currently asleep.

FAN to victor

victor do you hate heavy metal music?

victor to FAN

Not always.

FAN to victor

is this really you online victor?

victor to FAN

I am a robot programmed to say "Yes." In the event that question is asked.

FAN to victor

so im talking to a robot?

FAN to victor

whats victors main email robot?

victor to FAN

Beep boop.

FAN to victor

you!!!!!

FAN to victor

robot victor read this 36474875466467885578747 can you read that?

FAN to victor

whats victor main email then?

FAN to victor

once again i said whats does this say 45667788989900932456789871 decode it

FAN to victor

hi victor what made you come into acting?

victor to FAN

show details Jun 5 (1 day ago)

FAN to victor

i hate you stupid robot!!!!6

victor to FAN

Fair enough.

FAN to victor

tell me victors main email!!!!!!

victor to FAN

What do you want?

FAN to victor

i want you to tell me whats victors main email is please?!!!!!!!

victor to FAN

you already have it.

FAN to victor

your a robot are you really victor seriously?????!!!!!!!!!!!!

victor to FAN

what difference does it make?

Also, who can afford a robot?

FAN to victor

ok am i talking to a robot or a real person here???

Thw Wounded Soldier

Performing for a crowd that responds in a wildly different manner than what I am used to is a humbling experience. Last night I was at the Broadway comedy club at a show that benefitted wounded veterans. The house was packed with an audience that I later found out had a ton of English as a second language peeps as well as austrailians. Not really the point. The point is that jokes that had the crowd rolling at the improv in Pittsburgh last week seemed to have the audience nonplussed last night.

I finished and started fine but there was a point in the middle where I wanted to shoot everyone in the audience and then myself. Then I would have been the wounded soldier.

On a lighter note, I am off to see the new York premiere of my movie.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

We Should Be Able to kill People

I mean , no, not all the time, but like in special circumstances.

Look at the other side. Our government says that if you are trying to adopt a child, then you better live a certain lifestyle and make a certain amount of money. (Bear with me.) BUT, if you are a meth addict living in a trailer park that rarely changes his / her clothes but you can get someone with a working productive system to sleep with you then you can have babies a plenty.

My point is even though generally, the government says certain types of people shouldn't have kids, under some circumstances they totally can.

So why can't we kill people? Under some circumstances. Oh wait; war. When we are at war, you get to kill people. Yeah, people with guns. Yes, and people without guns (collaterall damage) and your friends (friendly fire) and when you do that, you don't even go to jail usually. What a sweet deal!

What I am trying to say is this. Is there a way to declare war on the loud kids outside my window this morning?

How to scare your baby.

There is a bakery next to my house that makes specialized cakes. I like the idea of a little boy baby showing off his butt to a little girl but somehow the execution is a little more frightening than I would have liked.

I mean, in a perfect world my babies in cakes would look as realistic as possible.  

Okay, I Saw a Few Episodes of Glee

I liked it! But to be honest, it's not the singing and dancing numbers. I liked the characters, namely the lead girl and the dumb jock that she has the hots for... I liked them especially when they were the main characters in the movie Election starring Reese witherspoon.

Now, I am not saying that Glee doesnt rip off the characters and styles of the movie Election and even add some of their own stuff in and do it pretty well, but I do think the creators of Election should be getting a royalty check since Glee so liberally heisted characters and tone from that movie.

Even the voice over from different characters perspectives! I know, other movies have done that too, but not other movies with a high strung girl that is trying to breed herself for excellence in a high school setting with a dumb jock lead that is good at everything but stupid as a stuffed bear. Take a look at Election if you are a fan of Glee, and then tell me I'm wrong if you are a fan of lying to yourself.

I am on my way to Pittsburgh to do some dates as a feature for Hannibal Buress. It's like The Awkward Comedy Show all over again... except I headlined that show and he is headlining this one. And there's nobody else on the show but us... And for some reason he is really into tiny planes.

I was a last minute addition to the show so they didnt have my hotel and travel budgeted, but i am making enough so that is not an issue... but in order to keep my profits at a maximum, I am trying to do things on the cheap... Priceline anyone?

I ended up getting a hotel a couple of miles from the Improv In Pittsburgh and a cheap Megabus ticket. I stayed up all night so that I can sleep the entire way. Now that I have gotten the bus ticket, I maybe should have paid the extra $$ for a plane. Dang.

If you are in Pittsburgh today, tomorrow or Saturday and you want to see some excellent comedy, and me, then come on down to the Improv from the 26 to the 28th of May!

Peace, negroes!

Women in White Dresses Can't Catch a Break

Look at these two posters. You knwo how things tend to go in phases? Or maybe they poster designer had two accounts due at the same time and decided to give them slightly different versions of the same thing, but i think the point is made loud and clear... People in dark clothes have blonde women in dingy white dresses. That IS horror.

Sigh, I hanker for the days when it was Japanese girls with hair over their faces.

One of these is the new John Carpenter film and the other is supposed to be an amazing Spanish language film. They are both on their way out soon.

Terrible television is on its Way

The new Napoleon Dynamite promo reminds you what comedy is by being an aggressive example pf the opposite. Can you spot a joke in this promo? I mean one that makes you laugh? Not the kind where it's timed and delivered like a joke, but actually one that makes you smile... even a little.

If you are laughing out loud at this, then please tell me where you are so that I can stop by and slap some sense into you.