Yo son!

Sent from my iButthole

The debate

If you have  seen the last presidential debate and haven't seen this, then you should definitely see this.

Why does McCain conceal his past

The End of Estonia

Pictured above: The manager and curator of the Non Grata Art Container in Estonia sits in front of the Sauna cooling pool and laughs uncomfortably at one of my jokes.

My second attempt at interacting was also a disaster. Things may have one awry when I referenced the first unsuccessful time I was in a sauna. There was a nice Finnish lady in the sauna with me and then I decided it would be interesting to say:

ME: Last time I ws in the sauna, I rated the hairiness of people's balls.

HER: Why were you looking at people's balls?

ME: Well, we were naked. How can you avoid looking at people's balls the first time you go to a sauna?

HER: The first time I went to the sauna, I was taken by my grandfather.
I took a moment to think.

ME: And what were his balls like?

Cue uncomfortable silence.

Well, I am am at the airport right now on my way to Helsinki and then to NYC. Overall I had a great time as a visiting artist to the Estonia chapter of Non Grata arts thingamabob. I et some very nice pople and overall amazing artists and managed to not have my throat slit by the Russian mafia.

I took a lot of video so I may be making an epc movie about my experience.

I think I want to try the sauna again in NYC. Anyone want to come?

Estonia so Far

Pictured above: Hot Swiss girl pours beer into a bag for me.... what?!

Okay, so I fly into Estonia and get picked upp by the festival coordinator and his brooding artist sidekick. All is god.

We get to the artists quarters that is in the inside of a repurposed old factory. Very cool if you want everything to look like an old horror mvie, not so cool if you aew planning on sleeping ther, which they were planning on for me. I see that I have plenty of typos behind me, but fuck it. The shining light of my trip so far has been the nude sauna on the first day of the trip. It was fun and everyone was nude, like 4 guys and on dutch girl. I decided to give out an award for the hariest balls. (You can't have naked people forgetting that they're naked, now can you?)

Our first screening was fun, if you like watching people who barely understand english trying to enjoy decidedly english comedy films. We have video of all of this. We ended the night last night by going to an Estonian disco. Lot's of tall, hyper-blonde women, and a ton more women than men. I don't now what the hell these people are eating, but my guess is villagers.

Movies + Estonia

Hey therer!

 

AWKWARD KINGS OF COMEDY

So we finished principal photography on the new feature that I am dirtecting and appearing in called The Awkward Kings of Comedy.  I am super excited about the post production that has just started on this.  Our hope is to get it into the South by Southwest film festival in March.  The mocie is about alternative black comedians that defy expectations starring Baron Vaughn, Eric Andre, Marina Franklin, Victor Varnado, and Hannibal Buress.  There's a great performance and a lot of inteviews and behind the scenes footage.  Here's a photo from the set.

 

 

ROBOTO SUPREMO

I don't know if you remember, but a long time ago I did a super low budget short called Roboto Supremo.  Well I remade it with bigger FX and costumes and the fantastic Miche Gondry as the mayor of Tokyo.  We are in post for it right now, but won't it be fun when it is done?  Giant robots, monsters and love.  Here is the first ever still from the movie.  The effects are a little temp, but you get the idea.

 

 

ESTONIA

In about an hour, I hop on a plane to Estonia!  I am  presenting films from my monthly comedy film festival with my best friend, and co-producer Jay Stern.  He rocks.  We're going to be all arty in Europe.  I will blog daily and send pics as well, telling you how things go.

 

Victor

LOOK HOW BIG I AM!

Thank heaven for movie cut outs!.

Girls Gone Wild...Really

This is something that I wrote and directed, starring my friend Esther Ku, from Last Comic Standing. Check it out.

Sent from my blank.

I happent to think that if you have an iphone (I do) or a Blackberry and you have the signoff on it that says "Sent from my iphone" on it all the time, it seems a little pretentious.

 

However, if you change the signoff (I didi) and you are not careful, you may have accidentally sent an email to a business that ends with the signoff "Sent from my Butthole." 

 

I did.

Lot to do.

Today is one of those days when you realize that you have so much on your plate that you just might choke on it when you it.  Here's what I am up to right now.  You tell me if I am in over my head.

 

1.  Right now I am writing like 40 jokes a day for a video game project that is due out in September.  That may not sound like much but it's kind of a  chore to write a compelling joke.  Here's an insult that I wrote that one character says to another.  "Hey, is that garnage  I smell or do you have your pants off?"

 

2.  My film Roboto Supremo is well on it's way to finishing it's rough draft.  I made a version of this short a long time ago with no  money and built the costume out of acrdboard.  It looked like this.

 

This time I invested a little money and hired a production designer.  Now it looks like this.

 

I also go tMichel Gondry to play a part in the movie.  I'm super excited about it, but alas..  it is a lot of work.

 

3.  I started work on a new performance documentary feature film that I am hastily doing fundraising and pre production for.  Producing STINKS!!  Directing and writing rocks.

 

4.  Lastly, I am taking care of a brand new cat.  He's awsome, but attacks my feet a lot.

 

Too much bitten off…now I am trying to chew it.

 

Victor

 

 

Lost My Voice

So I lost my voice. 

 

One thing about losing your voice, you feel like such a jackass when people have to pay special attention to you when you talk just to hear something.  When I can speak normally, it's no big deal if I say something stupid and someone overhears. But if I say something dumb in an offhand comment and someone has to lean in or even ask other people to be quiet just so I can be heard…   Man I feel like a dick.

New Kitty

I got a kittty today.  I wanted one for a long time.  there is a pe store near me and I saw a lady about to drop this kitten off there..  Pet stores are notoriously bad places for cats to catch diseases and other random awfulness so I saved hime.

 

His name is Ding Ding.

 

 

Sorry So Disturbing

So I was performing at this show in Thompkins Square Park and they had a stand there where you could put your face in the picture with Obama.  My skin tone was a close match to the pfoto.

 

Sorry so disturbing.

Invention Part 3 - Black Inventions

The best thing about inventions of any kind is that anyone can enjoy them. Although there is one invention that is probably going to be made in the future that  black people are not going to get the chance to enjoy.  A time machine. 

 

Black people have no use for a time machine.

 

I mean, yes.  If you had a huge time machine then you could load it up and go back in time and then give every slave an automatic weapon… but then you'd have to deal with a world with no white men and white women kept as sex slaves in cages.  (Well… that's what I'd do.)

 

Or you could go back to Africa and teach everyone how to hide better so that when slavers came they don't find anyone, but speaking from the point of view of a black albino, there is just too much sun in the jungles of Africa and besides that, I like my DVR.

 

So why not go to the future?  Because all the races would have mixed into a mocha frapachino blend, only listen to techno and dress in earth tones.  I saw the Matrix.  I don't need to be pegged by a robot in the back of my head.

 

 

Inventions Part 2 - Laserdiscs

The saddest kind of invention is the kind that a lot of technophiles latch onto and then technology quickly moves past them, but those people are determined to hold on to their gadgets because it was a good idea that just never caught on.  It happens… the Betamax was actually a superior format to the VHS tape but people just went with the VHS tape because it was cheaper and the Betamax people had made a format that was beyone what most televisions at the time could show.

 

 I know the guy who made the Beta probably was the coolest guy at Sony until they figured out that he had basically made a DVD back when people only had 8 track players.  "Yeah… Nice work on the useless hunk of plastic ribbon, Yasko!"  Maybe his name wasn't Yasko, but what a great name to teaso someone with.  "Betmax?  More like Beta-WACK, Yasko!"

 

People gave up the Betamax when it was eclipsed by the VHS tapes, but they stuck wth the Laserdisc player.  Some peope are just die hard about laserdisc players.  They just wont't let go, even thought there don't make new movies for them anymore.  "Hey man, you want to coem over and watch Blade Runner again?  … Aw c'mon!  I got Quadraphonic sound… No?"

Inventions Part 1 - Cell Phones

Once an invention becomes a part of society then you can't still get away with saying you don't use it because you're not a "mindless  sheep" like the rest of society.  I'm talking to you, people who still don’t have cell phones.  The  cell phone is not a fad!  It  is not a hula hoop!

 

You might say.  "I don't need one, and if I really need to make a call I can use a  public phone."  Yeah, if you like hand herpes.  The cell phone has changed society to such a degree that we can't look back.  Remember when you had to actually meet your friends on time at an exact place?  Remember when you had to remember phone numbers?  No thanks.   Remember when you couldn't hang up on people and blame it on your signal?  Thank you cell phones.

 

So anybody who is rejecting this part of civilization, I hope that you're at least have the decency to be running around butt naked saying,  "Clothes are just not my  style."  I hope you are at least brave enough to just poop in a bag and throw it in your back yard.

 

Cell phones rock.