MTV, SONY and me.

Sony just announced my involvement with their new comedy video game. I do
voices and I direct a lot of the acting.

There's an interview about it at MTV.com

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1575219/20071128/index.jhtml

_______________________________________________________________

New Orleans, Day 1

I'm in New Orleans and I'm having the best time putting as much ridiculous
food into my mouth as I possibly can. I have never really explored this
city and just to let you know, it rocks beyond belief. Just had lunch at
the Clover Grill. Mmm MMM biscuits and gravy.

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Ugh

I just brushed my teeth and then immediately drank coffee!  Ugh!  Next I think I'll catch my junk in my zipper and then immediately jump into a vat of Epson salt.

Dear DQA

Dear Drag Queen Association,

 

I would like to officially lodge a complaint.  I abhor the type of drag queen that tricks you for a second.  The type of drag queen that at first glance looks like a woman.  The type of drag queen that makes your mind go "... legs, ooh, miniskirt... tall... big hands... Ugh... MAN!"

 

I much prefer the type of drag queen that looks  more like a clown from a Fellini movie.  Just makeup and feathers everywhere.

 

Signed,

Shortchanged Labido

Thanksgiving

Happy thanksgiving everyone

I am in Minnesota relaxing and waiting for my nieces and nephews to
show up. I wanna squeeze em!

Sent from my iPhononograph

Standup with Tom Shilue!

Come check out a great after thanksgiving show if you are not too wrapped up in trying to suck your momma's toes.

FRI - NOV 23 - 8 pm
at The Pit Theater NYC
http://www.thepit-nyc.com/

A CORNUCOPIA OF COMEDY!

TOM SHILLUE, BARON VAUGHN, DAN AHDOOT, TAREN STERRY, LIVIA SCOTT, VICTOR VARNADO, and ELON JAMES WHITE will knock your socks off with an hour of insanely hysterical stand-up.

Crunch Time

I need voice over actors and I need them bad.  We have so many lines to record today and not oenough people for me to direct.  How does this happen in a world where everyone wants to act.  The unfortunate side of this is that many people think they can do voice over and cant act a lick.  A lot of the time people come in with a long acting resume and try to jump on voice over and then they suck more than an anteater.  That's a lot of suck.

Bachelor Party

I went to one of my friends' bachelor party last night.

 

Can I ask you some thing.  Do all bachelor parties start out chummy, like a haooy jaunt and then end up with people staring awkwardly acoss the room or at the floor with lamenting an innocence that has ecape3d them?

Uh oh

Last time me and my friend Jason taped ourselves sparring he felt that he was under represented in the final video.  He just told me that he wants to make some sort of inroads and asked to make sure I had someone present to video tape us.

 

He's gonna try and kick my ass!

Halloween Aftershock

Lat night one of my friends leaned over to me and asked if she and I had made out on Halloween.  We had and I told her so.  Everyone was happy and drunk at a big party and then she and I and some other woman went to kissing one another.

 

My friend was a little suprised at what had happened.  I was suprised at the time but by now I had learned to live with it.  But let's be honest, it is a little weird when you have made out with a friend.

 

There is an upside though.  Once you've made out with a friend you can hold it over their head and force them to buy you free gifts and candy.

Into The Wild

What a crazy movie.  I mean , yes, it was uplifting and depressing all at the same time, but then again, it was batshit.  I would love to hear other peoples thoughts on the film.  It almost seemed like the travels of a modern day saint.  It could also be interpreted as a moral tale about what happens to yo9u if you shun your parents. 

 

By the way, during the film I had caramel corn and a water.

 

See you at Comix tonight if you are coming.

I want a puppy!

I really do!  The only reason that I haven't gottena dog is that I travel a lot and I live in New York which seems likt the wrong place to have a dog.

 

There is a pet store next door to my apartment and I walk by there and longingly look at all of the puppies at least three times a week.  I'm a Puppi-phile.  I can admit that.

NYC SHOWS - This week

Hi all, I'm back from Mexico and Spokane.  Two very different places with mortal enemies at each end... Cowboys and Mexicans.  Come to think of it, Cowboys are the natural enemy of the Chinese, as well as Native Americans.  Ease up cowboys.

 

You can read more about those adventures at http://victorvarnado.blogspot.com

 

Anyhow, everyone is always asking when the next standup show will be...

 

SHOWS THIS WEEK

WED NOV 14 - 8 pm
SHADES OF BLACK

at Comix
353 West 14th Street NY, NY

www.comixny.com

Featuring the comedy stylings of Michelle Buteau, Baron Vaughn, Elon James White, Jordan Carlos and Victor Varnado!

 

THURS NOV 15 - 8 pm

BRAINYAXE

At the Bowery Poetry Club
308 Bowery NY, NY

www.brainyaxe.xom

Come and get it hot!

 

Heat

I got home from my trip to my expensive Brooklyn apartment and the heat wasn't working... again.  Seriously, if I have to pay a lot just to come home and sleep in my coat again I swear to everything that I will throw a cold hrdened leather show at my landlord's head the nex time I see him and scream, "You made this!"

Spokane Day 1

I got in last night and was unable to convince anyone to share the mexican tequila I brought with me from mexico.  Here in Spokane, all the waitresses are chipper and many of the men are cowboys.  I don't know why, it's just the way it is.

 

No prometo ningun.

Mexico Cuty Day 5

Yesterday was the hardest day and the last day of the shoot.  You'd think it would be the easiest day since the scene took place in a whorehouse and I spent most of the time surrounded by scantily clad women.  There were a mix of extras playing whores and actual whores playing whores.  I couldn't tell them apart so I just chose to be afaid of everyone.  There was a point when I found out which wer which becuse a kindly looking grey haired old man ahowed up that turned out to be the pimp of some of the whores.  The "whores"  that ran away from the pimp and hid on the other side of the room were obviously the fak whores... or wer they real whores that still owed him money.

 

Today I fly to Spokane Washington to perform in front of a bunch of college booking agents.  Time to show my wares!

 

 

Mexico City Day 1

 

Well I'm down in Mexico City to shoot the last leg of  "Contact High"  the movie where I play God.  It has been so much fun in every country that I've been in and Michael, the director, assures me that México City will be the most entertaining place of all.

 

Just before I left New York, one of my friends told me a story about someone who was driving in Mexico City and then someone else just hopped in the car and killed him.  This didn't sit too well with me because I often hate being killed.  I walked with Michael to check out the first set that we were going to be shooting on, which is a hotel that currently operates as a flop house and I had a chance to meet the owner of the place who gave me what would have been a toothy grin if only he had any of his front teeth.  He had plenty of molars though.

 

As soon as Michael and I were out of earshot of the owner, Michael told me this story.  "You know that guy we just met?   When I asked him if it was going to be safe to shoot in his hotel he whipped out a gun and shot three time down the alley and then patted me on the shoulder and said, 'You'll be safe with me.'"

 

I looked down the alley.  There were buildings and the doors to some people's apartments down there.

 

I really want to go out tonight nut I may just stay in my hotel to make sure that I survive the trip.  I can explore in the daytime…

Mexico City Day 2

 

Mexico City is dirtier and bigger than New York.  That's not a probelem but there is a nother major difference.  Mexico City is 200 meters above sea level.  One of my old friends came to visit me since we are so high up, his name is nosebleeds.  Man is it dry here. 

 

I remeber when I was little and I had moved and I started to get nosebleeds with the climate change.  My family took me to a doctor at one point and he took me aside and asked me if I was snorting coke.  I was like 12.  Seriously, Doc?  How many 12 year olds who grew up poor do you know that have the access and the money for coke?

 

What a bad doctor  Costume rehearsal in the hotel in two hours....

Mexico City Day 4

Well, yesterday i finally had the chance to eat in a really weird little hole in the wall mexican resturant.  One of the most outstanding features of the restaurant is that the waiter was 9 years old.  The name family restaurant has never been more defined for me than yesterday.

 

I had some kind of meat, and the producers told me to stay away from the salad because I might die.  Wel , not die, but get sick.  The also forbode me from getting any food from the food carts that are every street because, even ooked, th efod there is almost sure to make me poop my pants.

 

When I was young and I pooped my pants, I remeber it feeling good.

Mexico Day 3

Yesterday I hired an interpreter in order to nail the dialect on some of the lines I had to speak in spanish.  She was a young law student that ended p showing me around the city after th emajor part of our work was done.

 

Mexico city is a city of extremes.  Opulance and poverty bt that shouldn't be a suprise since mos large cities have al of that.  One thing Mexico cit has that many cities f it's caliber do not have is real tequila.

 

Ah, Tequila my new friend.  I never knew you could taste so sweet and punch so hard.  The rst of the night just kept getting more and more fun.  Thans you Mexico City. 

 

Today is my first day of actual shooting in Mexico.  It is not so early, but my eyes are burning and my head hurts.  Tequila can be a real jerk.

Self Portrait (start)

This is the beginning of a self portrait. Click on him so he dances

Dog the Bounty Hunter

Suprised?

 

I'm not.  Of course he's racist. 

 

He dresses like a professional wrestler when that's not his job. OR COURSE HE'S RACIST!

 

He's got a mullet and it's the 21st century.  Of course he's racist.

 

His name is Dog.  Nuff said.

Happy day after Halloween

I was a gentlemen Stranger. If you know what that is... NERD!